|Some nothing and a little bit of something
||[Nov. 18th, 2014|02:14 pm]
Tall and Weird
In a few days, I'm going to be 43.
This mght not sound like a big deal to some of you but it is for me. If you don't want to know why, you should probably skip the rest of this entry... although I might talk about other stuff nearer the end. The choice is yours.
I grew up in house number 24 on a street in a suburb of Perth called Craigie. I'm sure there was a reason the suburb got that name but I've never found it out. The street I lived on was named after a shipwreck a little ways North of the house.
One of the next places I lived was also a number 24. It was a share house that I moved into because I liked the girl that lived there. Nothing happened with the girl, by the way.
Another place was another 24. But that was after moving back to the Craigie 24 for a few years.
Douglas Adams wrote a book which featured the number 42 as the answer to all of life's mysteries and as, everyone can see, 42 is simply a reversed 24.
Twenty four was not a good time for me agewise. I remember feeling a growing sense of dread as my 24th birthday approached. I remember feeling unhappy for no real reason. I don't remember specifics but it was years and years ago now. I wasn't the generally happy Tall and Weird you know and trust nowadays.
I do remember, very clearly, the moment I knew - absolutely, unarguably - that I was going to die at 42.
I was only just 24 and sitting at home, trying to concentrate on the Restaurant of the End of the Universe - the meet the meat scene - when my personal connection to the numbers 2 and 4 clarified in my mind.
It was a long way way off - eighteen years - but I'd never been more certain of anything. I didn't really know why I had this literal deadline. I made some changes in my life but the deadline always loomed and grew loomier as the birthdays ticked by.
I've never spoken of my certainty with anyone - if you've read this far, you might actually be the first to know about it. Good for you. But, don't worry about me, I've realised the whole idea is just silly.
I'm happier in myself now than I was at 24. That is because of a couple of things but the main one of them is that I swapped the certainty of my time of death with my certainty that I'm a writer.
Just another absolute and inarguable certainty in my life but I think it's a good thing. I don't believe in God but I can see how people do. Even though it was my death, I accepted it without question. Only after swapping one belief with the next could I see how silly the first was.
Rambling is what I do but I like to think that I get to the point eventually.
I believed in something without proof and didn't question the truth of it. The moment I did question it, I started to believe something else, something I think is greater.
So, my friends, question your beliefs. Make them answer. If you don't like their answers, why do you allow them to have any power over you and your decisions you make?
That actually went somewhere I didn't expect. I didn't start this post with sacreligious intentions. I just wanted to share the weirdness of approaching a previously impossible birthday.
That's just how I roll though. Like it or not, this is me.
In other news, I bought myself a PS4 and two games for my birthday... I hope my death doesn't come before this Sunday because I've only played one of the games I bought and I'm looking forward to Shadow of Mordor.
Also, I took two weeks off too. Not the usual week on either side of my birthday but a couple of weeks before it. I've spent my days writing, lazing, and catching up with friends.
Current story is called Homecoming. Basic plot: a man returns home after running from battle only to find that his enemy is following. Weird twist: the battle is between the two extremes of order and chaos. Weirder twist: the bad guy is also the good guy... or something like that. I'm not sure why I've got the order and chaos part in there. I'm actually at the point of almost forcing it to fit in with the ending I've almost arrived at.
Now I'm questioning whether it even has a place in the story anymore...
Question everything, my friends. Ciao!